


i don't love you (i always will)

by HedaBates (spooninspoon417)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, and also Bell and Lexa being total bros, angst everywhere, there will be fluff tho, this fic is so messy omfg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 11:52:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6469120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spooninspoon417/pseuds/HedaBates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Lexa and Raven discover that moving on isn't so easy, especially when they're both pining after the same girl. College AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i don't love you (i always will)

The Blake house wasn’t exactly modest. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, oversized kitchen and living room. In Lexa’s opinion, that alone was too much, but Mrs. Blake was big on cherry wood cabinets and egg shell white walls, giving the whole place an elegance that Lexa felt she had no place among. 

To be fair, Bellamy seemed just as out of place as she felt, with the sweat running along his clavicle and dripping from the very ends of his hair. There was humor in his dark eyes and dirt under his nails and a basketball under his arm, giving him that playful boyish look she hadn’t seen on him since high school. 

He shoved her with one shoulder. “Thanks for the ass kicking, Woods.” 

“Any time, Blake.” She replied along the edges of a good natured chuckle. 

He deposited the ball beside the sofa and sat down, his head turned toward where she stood in the kitchen. “How was the internship?”

She peeked into the refrigerator to find that Mrs. Blake still stocked up on orange Gatorade. Bless her. “Exactly what you’d expect. I was a coffee gopher for most of it.” 

“Anything to get your foot in the door, right?”

“I guess so.” She gave a shrug and downed a long sip to keep the conversation from going further. Talking about it would just depress her more. 

“Hey, Lex. I’m here for you. Whatever you need.” 

A genuine smile slid across her face. “Thanks, Bell.” 

“What else are best friends for?”

“You mean you’re not just around so I can kick your ass at basketball?”

“Haha. Real funny.” 

She fell into the cushion beside him, her green eyes alight with her mirth. “Don’t worry, Bell. I’m sure we can find something you can beat me at. Eventually.” 

“I hate you.” 

“Liar.” 

Before he could give another smart retort, the front door opened and the sound of girlish giggles floated in, which could only mean one thing: Octavia was home. Lexa raised an eyebrow at Bellamy and stood, knowing that one of those giggles definitely belonged to Raven Reyes. That was certainly…less than unfortunate. 

They were both here, followed closely by a third girl Lexa didn’t recognize. She didn’t have time to dwell on that because Raven was in her arms. Literally. “Lexa fucking Woods.” 

She couldn’t help the laughter that escaped her and trembled into Raven’s body. Her arms tightened around the younger girl for another long second before they both let go, their smiles huge. “You look good, Reyes.” Lexa’s smile downgraded to a smirk. 

“Yeah, well, you look sweaty. What have you and Bell been doing?”

“Don’t be gross, Raven. We played basketball.” Bellamy cut in, teasing in his tone. 

“And I whopped his ass. As usual.” Her gaze moved toward the two girls who were standing to Raven’s left. She clapped Octavia on the shoulder, assessing quickly that the girl looked better than she had last time Lexa was in town. Healthier, more put together. “How are you, O?”

“I’m great.” She put one hand over Lexa’s and rubbed a thumb along her knuckles. “I missed you, though.” 

“I missed you guys, too. So damn much.” 

Octavia shuffled to the right and gestured toward the stranger beside her. “Lexa, this is Clarke. Clarke, Lexa.” 

Clarke held out a hand. Lexa took it firmly, intent on focusing straight ahead and burying the urge to trail her eyes down the girl’s body. “It’s good to meet you, Clarke.” 

“You, too. I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

Lexa retracted her hand, glancing from Raven to Octavia to Bell and back again. “Oh, yeah?”

“Mostly about your exceptional basketball skills. We watched a few of your games at the end of the season.” 

“Really? And?”

“And you’re truly a sight to behold.” Clarke bit her bottom lip. 

Lexa surely stopped breathing; she could only hope no one else noticed. “Well, that makes two of us.” 

The words had barely left her mouth before Octavia was directly in her line of vision, shoving her away in the direction of the couch. “Jesus, Woods, how many of my friends are you gonna hit on? Wasn’t Raven enough?”

The outburst barely broke the newly found tension, but it was enough. Raven was beside her then, one hand slipping around Lexa’s elbow for purchase.“You’re impossible.” She whispered against the shell of Lexa’s ear. There was barely restrained anger in her words. Lexa knew it well. 

She could barely allow herself to care as she watched Clarke bend into the refrigerator, laughing at something O said, her blonde hair tumbling over shoulders in waves. Lexa was in so much trouble. 

*** 

She drove Raven into town later that night, using some excuse of needing liquor to get the alone time. It was awkward, though, and Lexa found that she no longer knew how to handle this girl. “Raven.” 

The girl made a noise in the back of her throat as way of acknowledgement. 

“Don’t be mad, okay? We were never exclusive.” 

“Of course not.” 

“Ok, so what is this broody silence about?”

“You’ve been gone for six months, Lex! Six months. You spent all that time having a blast and I spent it watching Clarke drool over you every time we turned the TV on.” 

“The season ended in May, Raven.” 

Raven rolled her eyes so hard Lexa feared they would fall out of her head. “Don’t fucking do that. You know you’re all Bell and O talk about. Their hot shot best friend. Division A basketball player, future hot shot lawyer. And I thought maybe Clarke would be different, but no. She’s just as bad as them and she hadn’t even met you before tonight.” 

“Raven…” 

“I love you, Lexa, okay? I’ve loved you for a long time, but sometimes, I really wish you’d just go the fuck away.” 

“I don’t know what you want from me, Raven. I’ve known Bell and O my whole life. They’re practically my family.” 

Raven gave a groan of frustration. “That isn’t the point.” 

“Then, what is the goddamn point?”

“I like her, goddamn it! Clarke. I like her.” 

Everything clicked right into place. Leave it to Raven to make her feel bad for just about anything, even harmless flirting. “Oh.” Was all she could say. 

“Yeah. Oh.” 

The streetlights blurred on either side of them, illuminating their matching dumbfounded expressions in the silence. With a sigh, Lexa pulled the car over to the shoulder and put it in park. Turning to Raven, she smiled sadly. “Raven. Raven, look at me.” She did as she was told in slow motion, her brown eyes rimmed with unshed tears, her arms crossed defiantly over her chest. It was a classic Raven pose. Half resentment and half a struggle to keep her pieces together. Lexa could only sigh again. “I don’t want to hurt you, Raven. I never want to hurt you. Don’t you know that?”

“Well, you’re not doing too good a job, Commander.” She spat out the nickname like it would kill her if she kept it in behind her teeth.

Lexa flinched away from the assault. “Do you want me to leave? I’m sure I can crash at Anya’s.” 

“Don’t bother.” 

“Just help me out here, Raven. I’ll do anything you ask.” 

“I don’t want you to do anything. You have every right to stay wherever you want. I won’t hold it against you.” 

There was time not too long ago that a car ride like this would’ve ended in mind blowing, world ending sex. Lexa missed that, cause at least then Raven was open and willing. This standoffish, about to go to blows Raven wasn’t something Lexa had ever wanted to deal with. “Do you want me to stay away from Clarke?” It seemed like an insane proposition. She’d barely had a conversation with the blonde. 

“Like I said, Lexa, do what you want.” 

“Jesus, Raven, why are you making this so difficult?”

“I’m not making anything difficult.” 

“Yes, you are!” She dropped her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. “God, why did I even bother coming back?”

Raven’s hard stare ran Lexa’s blood cold. “Yeah. Why did you?”

***

For the rest of the night, there was only radio silence. Raven talked and laughed with everyone but her, the sudden chill between them going totally unnoticed by the others, who by now were at least three beers in. Lexa slowly nursed her own bottle, leaning over the counter sullenly, longingly staring at Raven’s back. 

“Everything okay over here?” 

She startled at the sound of a voice right beside her. It was Clarke and God, she was a fucking vision. Not a hair out of place, her navy blue leather jacket hanging a bit loose on her frame, her skinny jeans unbelievably tight on her hips, the question on her pretty face somehow only making her more alluring. “I’m fine. Thank you, Clarke.” 

“You don’t look fine.” She stepped even closer, giving Lexa a whiff of the lilac perfume she wore. “What happened between you and Raven?”

Lexa glanced at the other girl over the rim of her bottle and shook her head. “It’s complicated.” 

“Try me.” 

“I’d rather not drag you down into my shit. We’ve only just met.” 

“You two used to be an item, right?”

Jesus. Persistent much. “Yeah. We were. It was…incredible for a while. But, the long distance killed us. We both agreed to move on and stay friends.” 

“That didn’t seem to last long.” 

Lexa snickered against the onslaught of her own self-loathing. “You’re observant, aren’t you? We had an argument in the car. That’s all.” 

Clarke nodded her understanding. “Is she going to forgive you?”

Their eyes locked again and Lexa couldn’t help but note that she was barely an inch away from the warmth of Clarke’s body. She could bite the bullet if she wanted to and just sink her teeth into Clarke’s bottom lip. Her body thrummed with the possibility and she stood to full height, giving half a smile at the way Clarke straightened and still had to look up to keep her gaze. At the tail end of it all, she recalled Clarke’s question. “Somehow, I doubt it.”


End file.
